You Can Hate Pregnancy and Still Love Your Baby

I want to share what might not be a popular opinion but should be a healthy dose of validation for a lot of people. You can hate pregnancy and still love your baby. Disliking pregnancy or complaining about common pregnancy problems and being grateful for your baby are NOT mutually exclusive. 

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We hear it and see it often in different mom groups on Facebook, criticism for women who are honest about how they are feeling in pregnancy, venting about discomfort or morning sickness or ready to be done. “She should be grateful she was able to get pregnant…at least her baby is healthy and still growing…if she can’t handle this, just wait until the baby gets here…what did she expect?” Cut it out, friends. It’s not our place to tell someone how they should or should not feel, even if we think we know their story. Pregnancy is hard. It’s really hard and it’s ok to not love it. It’s ok to view it as a means to an end. 

As a mom who lost her first baby, I felt like I wasn’t allowed to complain about my subsequent pregnancy complications. I had never wanted anything more than I wanted to be a mother, so when pregnancy didn't come easy for me, I struggled. I had seen the posts in my loss community and I felt like if I was honest about how miserably sick I was or how much pain I was in, I would be met with judgment or even anger because I was able to get pregnant and I did get a healthy baby. There was so much fear and I had so many pregnancy complications, but those things didn’t negate my gratitude or excitement for my baby. Even with the people in my life who I felt safe enough to be honest, I feared they thought I wasn’t excited or wasn’t ready to have a baby. 

If you feel yourself holding back and not asking for support for fear of being judged, know that it is perfectly normal to not enjoy pregnancy and to complain sometimes. You are allowed to complain whether you have had a loss or not, whether this is your first or your fourth baby, whether your pregnancies were planned or not, whether it took years of trying, fertility treatments or just a honeymoon to get pregnant. It is not a reflection of how you feel about your baby. You deserve validation and to be heard. You deserve nonjudgmental support during your pregnancy and to be able to be honest about where you are right now. 

We are here to listen. 

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