I Prayed For This...

Today Judy turned 8 years old and I’m just as reflective as I was on her 1st birthday. So often Eric and I still look at each other with tears in our eyes because she is here and she is really ours. Even on the hardest days, we are so grateful for the responsibility and adventure this kid brought into our lives. I wanted nothing more than to be her Momma and to live this life with Eric.When we’re elbow deep in sass and spice, I remind myself that there was a day that I prayed for all of this.

I Prayed For This…

When a Kidz Bop song starts playing during my workout 

When I ring out wet Barbie hair into the tub 

When there are sticky fingerprints on the window 

When she puts her hands on her hips and shouts 

When I’m folding tiny socks for hours 

When the door slams and I sigh 

When the bath mat is sopping wet 

When the cat is painted pink and so is she 

When the school Principal calls about unkind words 

When she beams after a perfect living room cartwheel 

When bedtime can’t come fast enough 

When we snuggle in bed on Sundays 

When she cooks alongside me 

When she’d rather watch her iPad 

When she brings me “Duck Duck” when I’m sick 

When she packs her lovey in my suitcase before a business trip 

When she jumps out to scare her Daddy with a “Boo!”

When I’m the inpatient one 

When we both have to apologize 

When she calls me Mom instead of Momma

When she’s sick all night and no one sleeps

When I’m utterly exhausted by it all 

When she leaves chocolates on my pillow 

When I sing the Goodnight Bubba Song off key 

When she cracks the perfect joke 

When she blasts Taylor Swift in the car 

When we don’t have the answers 

When we know we got it wrong 

When everything just feels right 

When time flies like they said it would, I prayed for this.

Fall Postpartum Meal Train Idea

One of our favorite foods to make for Postpartum clients is a hearty soup. This one checks all of the boxes for healing from birth, breastfeeding and Fall comfort foods. It’s packed with protein, fiber, and bone broth for hydration, with a little kick of spice because we are in Texas after all. To add a sweet treat for a family bringing their babies home this week, I also pulled out my favorite “Lactation Bites” recipe to deliver with their Meal Train Chicken Chili Soup. 

The bulk of our evidence for well-known galactagogues (foods for lactation) is anecdotal, but we really like the idea of adding variety to your diet and incorporating protein wherever you can, even in desserts. If you have concerns about your milk supply, definitely reach out to your healthcare provider or an IBCLC. These treats are safe for everyone over the age of 1 to enjoy (it is not recommended to feed honey to infants under 1 due to the risk of bacteria that adults are better equipped to fight off), no lactation necessary ;)

If you are curious about Meal Trains or other ways to support friends and family as they welcome their bundles of joy home, reach out to one of our Postpartum Doulas for tips and tricks!

Jessie Fisher’s Chicken Chili Soup

3-4 Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts, cut into 1” pieces

1 Medium Onion, chopped

1 Green Bell Pepper, seeded and diced

1 tsp Garlic Powder

2 T Cumin

2 T Chili Powder

2 Cans Diced Tomatoes (with green chilis if you want some spice), undrained

3-6 Cups Chicken Stock (homemade bone broth is best)*

16oz Bag of Frozen Sweet Corn

2 Yellow Squash chopped

2 Zucchini chopped

2 Cans Kidney Beans drained and rinsed

2 Cans Ranch Style Beans

1. Spray a skillet with cooking spray and brown the chicken pieces- they don’t have to cook all the way through, but should be completely browned on the outside. Once browned, transfer to a stock pot with the onion, bell pepper, seasonings, diced tomatoes and chicken stock. Bring to a boil, then simmer for one hour. 

2. Add the frozen corn and bring back to a simmer for another hour. 

3. Add the squash and zucchini and bring to a boil for ten minutes. Add the beans and simmer long enough to heat them. 

4. Serve with cornbread, avocado or taco toppings. 

*I like to use a rotisserie chicken and vegetables to make an all day pot of bone broth on Sundays. The chicken meat goes into soup or casseroles and I use the bones and vegetable scraps from carrots, celery and onion I keep in the freezer to add to water, salt, garlic and other spices for broth. 

“Lactation Bites”

2 Cups Old Fashioned Oats

½ Cup Ground or Milled Flaxseed

3 T Brewer’s Yeast

1 Cup Peanut Butter or Almond Butter

½ Cup Raw Local Honey

1 t Vanilla

½ Cup Dark or Semisweet Chocolate Chips

1. Mix all ingredients together, in order, in a large mixing bowl with a wooden spoon (it might help to spray the spoon with cooking spray). Wear food prep gloves to form the mixture into small balls. Set in the fridge to firm up on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet or in an airtight container. Store in the refrigerator for up to 1-2 weeks.

What Does a Postpartum Doula Do?

Sometimes Postpartum Doulas themselves struggle to explain what they do, why their support matters and what it looks like. The most common answers include something like “emotional support, baby care and light housekeeping”, but that doesn’t come close to what Postpartum Doula support feels like. It doesn’t explain what makes us different from a night nanny or a newborn care specialist. It isn’t as easy to put into words as Birth Doula support, but it’s just as important if not moreso.

Postpartum Doulas build relationships with their clients and families. They get into the heart work that parenting a new baby is and come alongside families as they adjust and learn their babies. When emotions are raw and recovery from birth is hard, when no one is sleeping and roles have changed overnight, our Postpartum Doulas ease anxiety and instill confidence.

Do we sometimes do light housekeeping or assemble baby gear? Absolutely, but it doesn’t look like a chore list when we come in the door. It looks a lot like the attuning we do emotionally and anticipating the needs of everyone in the family. It looks like helping a new dad feel confident with baby wearing, so we strap on the Lille carrier and he wears a giant pickle jar while the baby naps. If I’m at an overnight shift and everyone is sleeping, I’ll look around the kitchen and see what needs to be done before I head in to rest myself. If I know trash day is Wednesday, I’ll empty diaper pails on Tuesday night after everyone is settled. If I see there are towels in the dryer, I’ll fold them while the bottle warmer runs it’s 4 minute cycle and then feed the baby. If it’s a day shift and I notice the same linens on my client’s bed from last week, I’ll strip the bed and put fresh sheets on while we talk and she feeds the baby. Some of the deepest heart-to-heart conversations I have with clients happen while we both fold baby clothes on the couch or they have a bite to eat while I wash bottles and pump parts. Often it’s holding a tiny baby, so her parents can shower or have a nap at the end of our shift together.

Sometimes a client will ask me to look at the baby's latch or help with breastfeeding positions, so I will, but once they’re settled and feeding I don’t go off in search of chores to do. I’ll climb up in the bed with them or sit on the floor next to their chair, to ask the important questions…”What do you feel like you’re doing really well this week?...What are you struggling with the most with this week?...How is communication going with your partner right now?...How is big sister/brother adjusting to the new baby?...What can I do to help you feel at peace today?” Then I listen, without judgment and we truly connect.

We fill in the household gaps and help to create routines that fit each family, but we also open dialogue about hard things and validate feelings. We teach parents how to be the expert in their baby and trust their instincts. We guide them to learn their baby’s cues and feel just as capable as we are. Postpartum Doulas foster relationships, but we also foster rest, healing, and bonding. We create a safe place where tears can flow, parents can truly enjoy their babies and confidence grows with each visit. 

Schedule your phone consultation today to see how our Postpartum Doulas can support you. 

Summer Series: Tips for Bath Time Safety

To wrap up our three-part Summer Series on water safety, we are dipping into tips to keep your little one protected during bath time. The first few baths for your newborn can be daunting, but before you know it, you’ll be in the splash zone with a toddler and dodging all sorts of potential hazards. These reminders for bath time will build your confidence and help to keep your baby safe and happy. 

Prepare Ahead of Time

Before you are ready to give your child a bath, gather everything you will need and place it within reach of the bath. Babies and toddlers should never be left unattended in the bath or near a tub of water, even just for a second. You may want to gather towels, washcloths, shampoo, baby soap and a cup or hair washing pitcher like this one. We like to keep at least the clean diaper right there in the bathroom, to avoid any post-bath potty accidents on the clean towel. Carry your little one in a dry towel to the changing table or a safe spot to get them dressed, once they are dry and diapered. 

Stay Focused on Your Baby

Be sure to keep your eyes on the baby the entire time the tub is filling with water, they are bathing and until the tub is drained. Try to avoid taking calls, getting distracted by your phone or multitasking. If you do need to leave the room, wrap the baby in a towel and take them with you. These reminders are not only for safety, but also to let bath time be a time for bonding. We bond with our babies through caregiving tasks like baths, diaper changing and dressing. Bath toys can be fun and a great distraction for little ones who don’t love to bathe. Take this time to connect, sing songs, and play while your little one is alert and engaged. 

Prevent Accidents

Children can drown in as little as 1 inch of water- they only need as much water as it would take to cover their little nose and mouth. Stay attentive, support their head if your baby is still small and be diligent with water temperature. The water should be comfortably warm, but not hot. You can test the temperature on your elbow or inner forearm and if the baby is in the tub while the water is running, always turn off the hot tap first, then the cold. We like to line baby bathtubs or bath supports with a wet towel to prevent the baby from slipping down. You can even lightly swaddle their arms as newborns to keep their startle reflex from making them jump and slip. Stay with babies and older children until the tub has fully drained and consider buying safeguards like this faucet cover to prevent accidental burns, drowning or injuries. 

What other tips would you add to keep bath time safe and fun?

Summer Series: Tips for Open-Water Safety

In part two of our Summer Series on water safety, I’ll jump into open-water tips. We tend to worry the most about the youngest kids on the water, but drowning rates for teens triple when they reach age 15. Teenagers can be just as fearless as preschoolers and more likely to take big risks when playing in open-water. If you are boating on Lake Lewisville, wading into the coast of South Texas or flying off for a tropical vacation at the beach, these helpful reminders will keep you on your toes. 

Know Water Conditions

Whether you are on a crystal clear beach in Cancun or on one of the more murky North Texas Lakes, water conditions can vary and change every day. If you are vacationing on the coast in Galveston or even all the way down in Mexico on the Gulf, rip currents can be hard to spot from the shore and pose a big risk for drowning, even for experienced swimmers. Know the condition of the water before going in for even just a dip. 

Life Jackets

The most crucial thing to remember on open-water is the importance of life jackets or personal flotation devices (PFDs). Growing up as a kid with an active-duty Coast Guard Dad meant that life jackets were non-negotiable, even as a teenager hanging out with experienced boaters. If a life jacket isn’t stamped with “United States Coast Guard Approved” or “USCG Approved”, it is not safe and can mean the difference between a fun day on the water and tragedy. If you have a lake house, boat or are even just visiting the beach, enforce a “toe in/vest on” rule so anyone going near the water has an approved life vest on. 

Lifeguards and Water-Watchers

The best choice would be to find lakefronts and beaches that have lifeguards working, but that isn’t always possible. Just like with pool safety, when you are on open-water, designate water-watchers who are sober, not distracted and able to take breaks from watching the water. It might be helpful to have them wear a wristband or take shifts with other adults to watch the water and everyone in it. Be sure that no one jumps in to save someone in distress who can’t swim themself, or there will be two people in need of rescue. 

Just like in our first post of the Summer Series: Tips for Pool Safety, I can’t stress enough the importance of early and effective swimming lessons for children. As soon as they are old enough, usually around age 4, swimming lessons can add a great deal of protection. Our little one has been in swimming lessons in Allen/McKinney since she was 3 at Life Time and loves the small class sizes. I love that they have swim classes for all ages, even adults. 

What else would you add as a safety tip for boating, lake days or beach vacations?

Summer Series: Tips for Pool Safety

The long weeks of Spring rain have left the area and we’re back to normal sunny days in North Texas. As we head back to the pool, days on Lake Lewisville or beach vacations, it’s a good time to refresh your ideas of water safety for your family. This will start our three-part Summer series on water safety, where we will cover safety for the pool, open water and bathtime. These are some of the best tips for pool safety and children:

Lifeguards and Water-Watchers

A common misconception is that more adults means children are safer, when the opposite is true. The more adults present, the more likely everyone is to assume someone else is watching the water.

The best option is to have a lifeguard on-duty, but if there isn’t one available, designate a water-watcher who is an adult who can swim themself. Whether it’s an inflatable kids pool in the backyard or the neighborhood swimming pool, there should always be an adult watching the water and children while they play. Drowning is often silent and can happen in an instant, so assign an adult for 15 minutes who won’t take their eyes off the pool, then switch adults so everyone has time to relax. Set an alarm or grab a wrist band to hand off and take turns watching the water.

Floaties and Swimming Lessons

Water wings, puddle jumpers and pool floats are not a substitute for swimming lessons and teaching water safety. Our little ones don’t have the impulse control to avoid jumping in one last time when they don’t want to leave the pool, even if you have taken their puddle jumper off and are packing your bags. 1-4 year olds are the most at risk for drowning, so stay within arm’s reach and as soon as it’s age appropriate (usually around age 4), enroll your child in swimming lessons. Even after they are a solid swimmer, still keep watching them closely in the water. The U.S. Coast Guard recommends approved personal flotation devices (not floaties or water wings) for everyone on open bodies of water, regardless of swim skills. Remember, anything that floats and is filled with air is a toy, not a life-saving device. 

Safest Swimsuit Colors

Some colors of swimsuits are easier to spot in the water, especially if a child is in danger at the bottom of the pool. If the water is moving or agitated, they can be even harder to see, especially in colors like white, black, blue or gray. When shopping for swimsuits for kids, take it back to the 80’s and try to find bright colors like neon orange, lime green or hot pink. 

When you hit the pool this Summer, talk to your kids about pool safety and remember the rules for swimming. Texas leads the country in child pool drownings and that’s not a title we want to keep. Lifeguard your little ones and stay vigilant. We’ll be back next week with safety tips for lakes, oceans and open bodies of water. For homeowner pool safety, follow this link to get ideas from the experts at Cook Children's Hospital in Fort Worth. 

Financial Smarts Rundown New Parents Need

Welcoming a new child into your family means lots of changes. Amid the joy and celebration are worries over finances and your family’s future. But with these tips, you can exercise your financial smarts and prep for the future with your loved ones—and enjoy all the milestones of your tot’s first years.

Life Insurance Should Be Your Top Priority

Whether you’re a single or dual-income family, you should make plans to cover living expenses if either half of your partnership meets an unexpected demise. For single parents, this is an especially crucial step. But even for families with a stay-at-home mom, life insurance for both parents might be wise. Therefore, obtaining life insurance is a smart financial move that new parents should be thinking about ASAP.

Of course, it can seem daunting to go out and get life insurance right after welcoming a new baby. After all, there are medical exams and tons of paperwork to complete, right? The truth is that many plans do require an exam, but many don’t; simplified issues, medically underwritten, and guaranteed issue plans have no medical exam requirements.

The biggest decision you will need to make is what type of life insurance to select. The most common choices are either term or whole life insurance. Both cover your family if anything happens to you, but term life insurance has an expiry date—and it’s not the time of your passing. Term life insurance lasts for a set limit—such as 20 years—to ensure your children reach adulthood without feeling the financial burden of losing a parent. Whole life insurance, in contrast, lasts your entire life, regardless of the age or status of your children.

Providing for Yourself Is Still Vital

Though you have just welcomed a new person into your family, you still need to prioritize your future. While saving for your new baby is financially savvy, you also need to consider your life beyond your kids’ college graduation.

Thinking about your retirement is a sobering thought as you become a new parent, but the truth is that you needretirement more than your kids need college funds. Therefore, you should prioritize investing in your retirement or 401(k) account. Then, as you can budget for it, you can start saving for your kids.

By the time you retire, you should be able to make up about 70 percent of your annual pre-retirement income. Keep tabs on your investments to ensure you reach that target.

Think Ahead to Cover College Expenses

Yes, your child is still an infant, but there’s no better time to start saving toward college. Setting aside a small amount now can mean big returns later. Plus, educational plans like the 529 plan are tax-advantaged, meaning tax won’t come out with disbursements of funds for college expenses.

If you’d rather not invest in college savings—in case your child has different ideas about their future—you can set aside funds another way. You can save money for kids in many ways, but a few of the most popular are via a custodial account, through your Roth IRA, in a trust fund, or through a health savings account.

Opening a savings account in your child’s name (many banks offer specialized kids’ accounts) can also present opportunities for financial education throughout your little one’s life. You can even start with your toddler’s piggy bank for an early advantage.

Your Slush Fund Should Actually Be an Emergency Fund

Plenty of families siphon cash into an account for fun stuff each month. And it’s true that you need to live a little while working to make a comfortable life. But instead of spending haphazardly out of such an account, you should aim to save enough to cover three to six months’ worth of living expenses. This way, if an emergency occurs, you’ll have a buffer to get you by.

Take Care of Your Business

If you’re a business owner and a new parent, you may be a little overwhelmed at the moment. However, it’s important that you still spend time managing your business to the best of your ability to ensure that everything stays above board. If you’re starting a new business, ensure that you’ve filed the proper paperwork with the state (such as registering as an LLC, if you choose to go that route), your taxes are paid up, and your finances are given a once-over every day. It may seem like a lot, but following these steps will make sure you, your family, and your business are taken care of.

While it can cost you a pretty penny to raise a child, thinking about your finances shouldn’t be daunting. With a thoughtful and well-balanced plan in place, you can save for your child’s future and the next steps in your own financial journey.

Do you have a little one on the way? Attuned Doula Services is ready to assist you by providing professional, unbiased doula support. Request a complimentary consult today!

The Loudest Silence

Every year on October 15th, I think back on my own experience with pregnancy loss as I remember other families. Some people miscarry their babies before they even know they were pregnant, or before their first doctor’s appointment. Others go through prenatal visits and even some “normal” ultrasounds. We were one of the latter families. Towards the middle of the first trimester in a fog of debilitating morning sickness and weight loss, we got to see Helen wiggling on an ultrasound machine and hear the reassuring whoosh-whoosh-whoosh of her heartbeat. Eric and I held hands and quiet relief washed over me, because she was ok despite how sick I was. He cried as the sonographer captured her heartbeat for us. He just smiled at me the entire drive home any time I looked at him and squeezed my hand. It was so surreal. 

3 weeks later, was when our midwife, Kathleen did the ultrasound to confirm I was going to miscarry. She pressed the wand into my barely swollen belly and I saw, before I had to be told. The baby was perfectly still across the bottom of the screen and we could hear the loudest silence from the machine. She said the dreaded, “I’m so sorry” and stepped out of the room to give us privacy. I was still pregnant, but my baby had died. I can still hear my tears hitting the paper that stretched across the exam table before I sat up.  

Later that week, when I found myself in the afterloss, with a shrinking womb and a shower that ran cold, I felt nothing but empty. I moved through my days as a shell of the woman I used to be. From the moment I had a positive pregnancy test months earlier, I had identified as a mother without really knowing it. Once we lost Helen, my identity was shaken to its core as if I had mothered her my entire life and I was so lost. It was a month before I was ready to go back to work full time and a few, long months more before I learned I was pregnant with Judy. I thought I would pick right back up where I left off, feeling like an excited, expectant mom but I was wrong. I stumbled through her pregnancy on pins and needles, angry and scared to go all-in to motherhood. Letting go of control felt better with each week until I truly felt happy and ready towards the end, but nothing prepared me for the trauma I carried into the delivery room. I don’t know if I had ever truly believed I would take a living baby home in the end, until Eric placed her on my chest for the first time.

I will always grieve for Helen and for the parents who never got a “rainbow baby” or a living child at all. I still, in random moments feel the deep ache in my bones for the baby I didn’t get to bring home. Four years later, she’s the reason I talk to butterflies, walk beside other loss families in the trenches and hold an urn instead of a four-year-old’s hands. To honor her, we choose to find the joy in our loss. We are able to support other parents experiencing pregnancy and infant loss, validate the grief they feel and make miscarriage a little bit less isolating for them. When I tell my clients that I am so sorry, they know that I mean it and that I truly get it. When their trauma sometimes surfaces in labor like mine did, I get to honor their experience and keep them grounded in the moment. I can’t ever take away the deafening silence, but I can sit in it with them for as long as they need and I like to believe that was Helen’s gift to us...the ability to be comfortable in the quiet and hold space for others’ grief and our own. 

Attuned Doula Services Featured in Voyage Dallas Magazine

Voyage Dallas Magazine features “The Most Inspiring Stories in Dallas” in their online publication. They truly capture the voice and spirit of local small business owners, freelancers and artists. We had the opportunity to share our story this month and in return, we were able to nominate some of our favorite entrepreneurs in DFW. We hope to see them featured soon!

“…My pregnancy with her was physically very difficult, but from a rehabilitation standpoint, I was doing great. She made me realize that I wanted to do everything I could to get back to my career as a doula and to give expecting families the same nonjudgmental, compassionate support I had been given. I wanted to leave a legacy for her and show her that no matter what obstacles come her way, she has everything within her needed to power on and persevere. Attuned Doula Services was born out of a desire to meet new parents where they are, reduce their fears and instill confidence as they navigate pregnancy, birth and the early months of parenting.”

To read the rest of our story, click here. Thank you so much to Voyage Dallas and to Dr. Amber Galipp of Legacy Family Chiropractic for nominating us.

Raising Children as a Parent with a Disability

This week we have a guest writer, Ashley Taylor from DisabledParents.org. She is an incredible resource for families navigating parenthood while living with a disability or chronic condition. She had this to say about preparing for a baby and caring creating a safe and nurturing home: 

Raising a kid is hard enough, even for people with stable finances and a family network to help with childcare. But raising a child as a parent with a disability – whether that means a cognitive impairment, being wheelchair-bound, or living with chronic pain – can prove nearly impossible at times. Yet by some estimates, between 4.1 million and 9 million parents with disabilities in the US do it every day. If you have a disability and you’re expecting a child, here are some tips to prepare your life and home for parenthood.

Resources

Numerous “associations, councils, centers, and societies” across the country provide resources for parents or families with disabilities. (This is in addition to blogs, conferences, teaching tips, children’s books, and financial aid opportunities.) These include the Family Resource Center on Disabilities, the National Learning Center for Learning Disabilities, and the National Association of Parents with Children in Special Education (NAPCSE). Still other databases list child care services, health tips for parents, mental health counseling, transportation for families, and money management tips. Drawing on these advocacy programs may take time, but they’re here for you.

Reaching Out to Friends & Family

Who else is here for you? Family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, nannies, or anyone else in your support network. Consider joining a church or a disabilities center to widen your personal community. Ideally, you should have a bevy of people you feel comfortable asking for assistance; this might include babysitters you trust to watch your kids as well as your parents, siblings, or other family members who could stay with you through a night. Fellow worshippers from your church, mosque or synagogue may be willing to bring meals over for you when you’re busy. 

Remaking Your House

As a new parent, and as someone with a disability, where you live is important, so look around. You’ll need easy access to your child and your child’s nursery, especially since you may already have to deal with your own restricted ambulation. If you’re in a wheelchair, for example, you may want to replace some of your steps – either outside or in – with a ramp. Another spatial adjustment to consider is buying hinges for doorways and installing skid-resistant flooring to prevent slips. Porcelain tiling is dense and solid, and provides good slip-resistance, or you could just put down mats and carpets. They may not always be aesthetically pleasing, but they will lower the chance of anyone in your home taking a spill.

Granted, some of the remodeling tips above are doable only for people who either have a house or disposable income to tear down walls and put in flooring. If those renovation options aren’t available to you, think about moving in with someone you trust whose space is more conducive to your needs. If that’s not possible, draw on all the helplines and resources at your disposal. These might include social networks, websites that promote awareness about disabilities, and family groups and community engagement centers for children and families who have disabilities.

Preparing for parenthood is challenging for everyone. But when you’ve already spent years developing habits for navigating through the world with cognitive issues or difficulty walking or moving around, adapting your world to meet the needs of another – and helpless – human being can be overwhelming. Be sure to adjust your living situation in such a way that lets you nurture your child as deeply and comfortably as possible.

You Can Hate Pregnancy and Still Love Your Baby

I want to share what might not be a popular opinion but should be a healthy dose of validation for a lot of people. You can hate pregnancy and still love your baby. Disliking pregnancy or complaining about common pregnancy problems and being grateful for your baby are NOT mutually exclusive. 

We hear it and see it often in different mom groups on Facebook, criticism for women who are honest about how they are feeling in pregnancy, venting about discomfort or morning sickness or ready to be done. “She should be grateful she was able to get pregnant…at least her baby is healthy and still growing…if she can’t handle this, just wait until the baby gets here…what did she expect?” Cut it out, friends. It’s not our place to tell someone how they should or should not feel, even if we think we know their story. Pregnancy is hard. It’s really hard and it’s ok to not love it. It’s ok to view it as a means to an end. 

As a mom who lost her first baby, I felt like I wasn’t allowed to complain about my subsequent pregnancy complications. I had never wanted anything more than I wanted to be a mother, so when pregnancy didn't come easy for me, I struggled. I had seen the posts in my loss community and I felt like if I was honest about how miserably sick I was or how much pain I was in, I would be met with judgment or even anger because I was able to get pregnant and I did get a healthy baby. There was so much fear and I had so many pregnancy complications, but those things didn’t negate my gratitude or excitement for my baby. Even with the people in my life who I felt safe enough to be honest, I feared they thought I wasn’t excited or wasn’t ready to have a baby. 

If you feel yourself holding back and not asking for support for fear of being judged, know that it is perfectly normal to not enjoy pregnancy and to complain sometimes. You are allowed to complain whether you have had a loss or not, whether this is your first or your fourth baby, whether your pregnancies were planned or not, whether it took years of trying, fertility treatments or just a honeymoon to get pregnant. It is not a reflection of how you feel about your baby. You deserve validation and to be heard. You deserve nonjudgmental support during your pregnancy and to be able to be honest about where you are right now. 

We are here to listen. 

#TBT to 2012: My "Why" for Doula Work

“Through that surgery and the life-threatening complications that followed, I learned what truly nonjudgmental support can do for healing.”

Today marks the start of World Doula Week, where we focus on the work doulas do to improve the social, emotional, physiological and psychological wellbeing of whole families. From pregnancy, to birth and then to the postpartum period, doulas take care of their clients. For most doulas, it feels like a calling or a passion that sparks a career. It takes a heart of service and usually a story about why we decided to become a doula. My story started one way and had a pretty big plot twist.

I became a doula in 2010 because I loved studying everything about pregnancy, birth and babies in college. My “why” was a passion for everything I was learning about birth and babies in my undergrad internship at a birth center in Denton and a natural ability to support others. I was the person who my friends and family came to for advice about pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding and it felt like a natural career choice.

Here comes the real #TBT though…back to 2012. I had been a doula for 2 years and was working as a newborn nanny. I had a car accident and herniated two discs in my back worse than I knew. After a night in the ER for pain and subsequently losing the feeling in my legs and ability to walk altogether, I was admitted to the hospital. For 5 days, I laid in a hospital bed not knowing if I would walk again or if the pain in my back would ever go away. My mom and roommate (turned rock star postpartum doula), Samantha were there with me when the spine surgeon came in to tell us a 360 2-level spinal fusion was my option to regain function in my legs.

Through that surgery and the life-threatening complications that followed, I learned what truly nonjudgmental support can do for healing. For 37 days in the hospital, my mom, my friends and my nurses and doctors safeguarded my dignity, listened to my fears, reassured me and respected my wishes. They trusted me to make the best decisions for myself. Shoutout to all of the nurses on the med-surg unit at Texas Health Presbyterian Flower Mound. I had nurses lift me into wheelchairs and hold me on toilets and in showers, so I didn’t have to use a bed pan and could bathe myself. I had a certified nursing assistant French braid my hair because it had been a knotted mess for days. My mom listened and got me every snack I wanted when I cried and cursed in pain and frustration. She held my hair when I got sick and patted my leg when neither of us had the words to describe how scared we were. She put on a gown and mask to be there while they placed a picc line in ICU, never leaving my side. Samantha held my hand all night, so I could sleep through the hallucinations from my pain pump and helped me laugh again…and again. My surgeons fixed my spine and then went on to save my life. They answered every question, gave me a realistic idea of my new normal and had my back, literally and figuratively. 

I went into doula work because I loved birth and babies, but I’m still in doula work because I now know the difference nonjudgmental support can make. I remember how I was treated through one of the most intense experiences of my life and I want to give that same level of care to each of my clients. When you’re at your most vulnerable, you deserve the very best support and that’s my “why” as a doula. 

5 Tips for Your First Outing With a New Baby

Pregnancy and birth are (barely) behind you and you’re adjusting to life with a newborn at home. Maybe you’ve found your daily routine or you’re still trying to figure out how to do life with this needy, adorable baby bird. At some point, most new parents just need out of the house and they’re ready to take the new baby on their first big outing. These tips will help to make that adventure a little less stressful.

1.     Pack the diaper bag the night before.

Make sure you have plenty of diapers, wipes and clean clothes. In the early months, 2-3 changes of clothes for the baby aren’t a bad idea. If you’re bottle feeding, take enough formula or breast milk for the feedings you’ll need, and maybe one extra. If you’re breastfeeding and like to use a cover, pack that too. I always kept a change of clothes for myself in my car too, because babies don’t care about your “I’m going out in public and want to look human” outfit.

2.     Make it a low-pressure outing.

Try to choose something that doesn’t require getting out of the house by certain time. Give yourself plenty of time to get ready and to get the baby ready, allowing for surprise diapers, long feedings or an unexpected bath. A walk through downtown McKinney with lunch at Spoons Cafe or even just a quick trip to Target can be enough.

3.     Practice using your stroller or baby carrier at home first.

I’ll never forget struggling with a brand-new jogging stroller in a parking lot, while snow (yes, in Texas) hit me in the face and the baby cried in her car seat. Take your stroller on a practice walk around the house or down the street. Learn how to fold it, strap the baby in and where to put your things. If you plan to wear your baby, practice using your carrier at home so you’re a pro with it when you’re out in public. We really like the ease of Lille carriers and they’re not bad on your lower back either.

4.     Be mindful of germs, especially during flu season.

Be sure to ask your baby’s pediatrician if they are healthy enough to go out in public just yet. You can wear your baby and tuck their hands in, to keep well-meaning strangers from touching them, or use an open-top car seat cover like this one, since it can double as a nursing cover and is breathable. Wash your hands often and wipe down shopping cart handles.

5.     Treat yourself while you’re out.

Go find something that makes you happy. Grab your favorite coffee from Snug on the Square, a cup of that great soup at Harvest or a new lipstick if that’s your thing. Getting out and about with a new baby is hard work sometimes, so reward yourself. If you want to make it even easier on yourself, take your postpartum doula with you. She can help you feel confident, hold the baby while you shop and make sure you’re taken care of while you take care of your little one.

Where was your first outing with your new baby?

New Parents, You Are So Brave

As I look back on the last year and reflect on all of the families who welcomed new babies, I keep coming back to the word brave. As doulas we get to see bravery come in so many different forms and it’s striking even in the simplest moments. New parents, you are so brave.

You struggled to get pregnant or stay pregnant. 

You were surprised by a pregnancy. 

You weathered pregnancy complications that were painful and scary. 

You breathed through one more contraction when you thought you couldn’t do it anymore.

You pushed one more time when you were absolutely exhausted and your baby was born.

You laid down in a cold operating room and endured major surgery to bring your baby into the world.

You joined the millions of parents who came before you.

You watched as your partner coped with pain you had never seen before and you trusted her instincts.

You asked for help when you just wanted to be able to do it by yourself.

You fed your baby from your body.

You gave your baby formula when it wasn’t your plan, so she would grow.

You pressed on when you lost everything in your birth plan.

You took beautiful care of your new baby through exhaustion and frustration.

You set boundaries for your new family and limited visitors when you needed to.

You knew your limits and you made hard choices.

You went back to work when you just wanted to stay home with your baby a little longer.

Every day in big and little ways, you are brave for your family and it’s an honor to get to witness that as your doula. On days where it feels like you can’t possibly keep at it or things aren’t going the way you imagined, reframe your thinking and own the ways you have been brave.